"She hasn't an extra $10 million to throw around, a fact he certainly already knows. The taxpayers don't have any extra money to throw around, a fact this entire city already knows. If the judge sitting on the case had b - - - s, he'd dismiss the case without it costing Joe Schmo as well as Liza Minnelli a fortune.

"Today, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Enough there are fights over maintenance and child support. Now, suddenly, the law will allow you to file a suit and say you were battered physically or emotionally? Now, suddenly, we'll have to litigate two cases? A divorce and a civil case? We mustn't let our justice system be abused by this. Such nonsense has to be dismissed before we're burdened with court costs of stenographers, bailiffs and the cast of thousands.

"Our courts are overburdened. Judges have legitimate cases backed up. Cases that have merit can't get on the docket because of nonsense like this. Somebody should tell that judge to use the b - - - s he was born with and dismiss it."

-- Judge Judy Sheindlin as quoted by Cindy Adams in the New York Post

"There is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli."
-- Jon Stewart, The Kicker

"The plight of battered husbands is, of course, a serious issue, especially given the gender bias of modern society. But one can't help feeling Liza's ex is unlikely to be a useful role model in this regard. By his own description, his wife is an 'overweight, raging alcoholic'. An overweight, raging alcoholic with two artificial hips who's almost a decade his senior and barely over 5 ft tall. Couldn't he have run for his life? Or, come to that, strolled for his life?"
-- Mark Steyn, The Kicker

"I never hurt him! The only thing I ever did was strap a dildo on and fuck him up the ass. He squealed a little, but it was consensual!"
-- Mario Cantone, on David Gest in Michael Musto's column in the Village Voice.

"Liza never beat me."
-- Billy Stritch, at the 14th Annual Cabaret Convention at The Town Hall tonight.

"When in Rome, do the Romans."
-- Varla Jean Merman, on That's Kentertainment.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
-- Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

"Hey! Hey! Hey!"
-- Fred "Rerun" Berry, 1951-2003

"I've gotten really high in my life, but I've never gotten so high that I had sex with a guy."
-- Ozzy Osbourne, on the Howard Stern Show as quoted by the New York Blade.

"O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about."
-- Unknown, The Hokey Pokey, as if written by William Shakespeare.

"Gay liberation should not be a license to be a perpetual adolescent. If you deny yourself commitment, then what can you do with your life?"
-- Harvey Fierstein as quoted on Famous Figures Talk Gay

"The most gentle people in the world are macho males, people who are confident in their masculinity and have a feeling of well-being in themselves. They don't have to kick in doors, mistreat women, or make fun of gays."
-- Clint Eastwood as quoted on Famous Figures Talk Gay

"Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light."
-- Dorothy Thompson

"The beams are coming directly at you, and the side of the boat is disappearing. They're ripping up steel, glass, chairs. People were falling. At one point I was in a pile, and I just got up and kept running. It kept coming and coming. If you didn't keep running, you were dead."
-- Robert Carroll, a passenger on the Staten Island ferry yesterday, in The New York Times.

"It's like putting your dick on a chopping block with the knowledge that no one is going to chop it off... The less people expect of you as a personality, the more convincing you can be at whatever you're trying to put across. Simple, really."
-- Mel Gibson, on acting.

"To me that's the great secret of anything, whether it's performing or talking or making love: sincerity. Somehow that quality conveys to an audience and wins them over."
-- Dai Vernon, Magician in the Granddaddy of Illusion by Jerry Camarillo Dunn, Jr.

"Never face the facts!"
-- Ruth Gordon

"This prize gives me energy to pursue my combat for a better future."
-- Shirin Ebadi, after winning the Nobel Peace Prize, awarded for her human
rights work in Iran.

"If people are violating the law by doing drugs: they ought to be accused, and they ought to be convicted, and they ought to be sent up."
-- Rush Limbaugh, as quoted in 1995.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you
figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you
have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance
and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem
like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to
be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or an inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and
force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their
work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to
move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come
to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you
an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But...only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build
upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the
lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
-- Brian A. Chalker

"All of us in the Siegfried & Roy family are deeply saddened by Roy's injury at last Friday's performance. Roy remains in stable but critical condition at University Medical Center in Las Vegas... For more than four decades, I have had the great privilege of standing at the side of this remarkable man, and I will continue to do so during this very challenging time. We are grateful and overwhelmed with the tremendous support we have received from around the world, and ask for your continued prayers and reflections."
-- Siegfried Fischenbacher, on the Siegfried and Roy website.

"I am their stepfather, their guru. I am their guide through the world."
-- Roy Horn, discussing his white tigers in a 1999 Vanity Fair article.

"I have doubts. The blood evidence is the biggest thorn in my side; that causes me the greatest problems. So I struggle with the blood evidence."
-- Robert Kardashian, 1944- 2003, interview with ABC news in 1996 regarding his doubts about the innocence of O.J. Simpson.

"An amazing thing happens when we slow down. We start to get flashes of
inspiration. We reach a new level of understanding and even wisdom. In a
quiet moment we can get an intuitive insight that can change our entire
life and the lives of the people around us in incredibly positive ways.
And those changes can last a lifetime.
Living more simply will make it possible to create those quiet moments.
Out of those quiet moments miracles happen. Be open to them.
-- Elaine St. James

"It's a point of pride with me. You'll always see my own butt."
-- Ben Affleck, eonline.

"I admired Hitler, for instance, because he came from being a little man with almost no formal education, up to power. I admire him for being such a good public speaker and for what he did with it... [I wish I could have an experience] like Hitler at Nuremberg stadium. And have all those people scream at you and just being total agreement whatever you say."
-- Arnold Schwartzenegger, 1975 interview with Pumping Iron director George Butler.

"We don't allow our dancers to use self-tanner... That stuff can rub off on you. You don't want any kind of self-tanner or glitter on your suit when you go home to your wife or girlfriend."
-- Lonnie Hanover, spokeswoman for Scores West, the soon-to-open topless establishment on 28th Street and 10th Avenue, explaining to Page Six the reason why there is a tanning booth backstage.

"It almost became a joke... Oh, Stan Burns — still working on that book?"
-- Todd Stockman, in Puppet in Lap, and Audience in His Palm by Dan Barry in today's The New York Times.